Understanding and Embracing Our Autistic Loved Ones

Understanding and Embracing Our Autistic Loved Ones

Living in a world that often feels overwhelming, many autistic children—and adults—use self-stimulatory behaviors (or “stims”) to self-regulate, express emotions, and find comfort. Instead of seeing these behaviors as “weird” or disruptive, it helps to understand them as coping mechanisms. When we learn what these stims mean and how to support positive reinforcement, we can create a more caring environment centered on empathy and inclusion.

1. What Is Stimming?

“Stimming” is short for self-stimulatory behavior. It’s any repetitive or sensory-seeking action that helps an autistic individual manage stress, sensory overload, or simply feel calm and focused. You might hear people say, “They’re just fidgeting,” but for many autistic kids, these behaviors are vital tools to navigate a world that can feel too bright, too loud, or too unpredictable.

2. Five Common Types of Stimming

Here are some of the most frequent ways autistic children might self-stimulate. Recognizing them can foster understanding and reduce stigma.

      1.Tactile Stimming (Touch-Based)

• Examples: Rubbing soft fabrics (like velvet blankets or plush toys), squeezing rubber bands or slime, running fingers over textured surfaces, or tapping fingertips gently on a tabletop.
• Why it helps: These tactile sensations can soothe an overactive sense of touch or, conversely, provide extra sensory input when they feel under-stimulated.

      2.Auditory Stimming (Sound-Based)

• Examples: Making throat noises (like humming or throat clearing), whistling, clapping hands repeatedly, tapping objects together, or playing with noisy toys (think clicking pens or rattles).
• Why it helps: Certain sounds create a predictable rhythm or tone that can be comforting, almost like an auditory anchor when the world feels chaotic.

      3.Object-Focused Stimming

• Examples: Spinning a favorite toy car’s wheels over and over, lining up action figures or blocks, flipping through the pages of a board book, or examining tiny details on a trinket.
• Why it helps: Manipulating familiar objects can provide a sense of control and predictability—key factors in reducing anxiety.

      4.Repetitive Movements

• Examples: Rocking back and forth, hand-flapping, repeatedly tapping feet, pacing a room in the same pattern, or rhythmic head nodding.
• Why it helps: Rhythmic or mirrored motions often induce a calming, almost trance-like effect, helping the child remain centered.

      5.Social Stimming (Social Interaction Patterns)

• Examples: Echoing or repeating words they’ve heard (echolalia), imitating another person’s gestures instead of engaging in typical back-and-forth conversation, or using scripted phrases in social situations.
• Why it helps: These patterns can be their way of practicing social interaction in a more predictable form or seeking connection in a way that feels safe.

3. Additional Self-Soothing Behaviors

Some autistic children might also:

• Scream or vocalize loudly when a sound or situation is overstimulating or to express strong emotions.
• Inhale distinctive scents (their own hands, a parent’s sleeve, or even a favorite soft toy). Certain smells—like fresh laundry or lavender sachets—might offer unexpected comfort.
• Stare at the sky, ceiling fan, or spinning objects for extended periods because of the visual patterns and gentle motion.
• Collect or write notes obsessively, using pen and paper to process thoughts or calm their mind—like jotting lists, drawing doodles, or solving simple math problems.

These coping tools may look unusual to outsiders, but they’re how many autistic kids find balance when traditional communication or self-regulation strategies aren’t enough.

4. Reinforcers That Spark Joy and Motivation

Because many autistic children have narrower or more intense interests, using personalized “reinforcers” can help when you want to encourage positive behavior, learning moments, or simply brighten their day. Here’s a list of ideas—pick what resonates with your child’s unique preferences:

     1.Food & Snacks

• Fruit snacks, apple slices with peanut butter, cheddar cheese cubes, goldfish crackers, or fruit-flavored gummies.
• Fun twist: Try making “autism-friendly snack packs” with brightly colored Tupperware or themed paper bags (dinosaurs, unicorns, space rockets).

     2.Tangible Items (Toys & Gadgets)

• Fidget tools (like pop-its, spinners, or soft putty).
• Small gadgets: Light-up keychains, stretchy silicone bracelets, or a handheld handheld bubble cube.
• Craft surprises: Stickers with favorite characters, mini stamping kits, or a brand-new sketchbook and crayons.

     3.Activities & Outings

• Sensory-friendly playground visits (early-morning hours when the crowds are small).
• Animal interactions: Petting a gentle rabbit at a local farm, feeding ducks in a quiet park, or attending a scheduled “sensory-friendly zoo” event.
• Weekend small-group cooking sessions—like making pizza or decorating cupcakes together.

     4.Games & Structured Play

• Board games with simple rules (Candy Land, Connect 4, or memory matching).
• Interactive apps or tablet games designed for smooth visuals and minimal distractions.
• Gross-motor games: A mini obstacle course in the backyard or an indoor toss-and-catch with beanbags.

When you match the reinforcer to the child’s interests (for instance, a light-up yo-yo for a kid who loves spinning objects, or a small sensory lamp for one who’s captivated by soft glows), it becomes a powerful tool. Reinforcers can reward progress—whether that’s sitting through a homework session, trying a new food, or simply sharing a moment of eye contact.

5. Tips for Families, Friends, and Educators

1. Observe First: Notice which stims seem calming vs. distressing. If a child flaps hands when overwhelmed, you might gently redirect them with a soft fidget toy instead of stopping the behavior outright.
2. Communicate Openly: Ask, “Do you want to squeeze your ball now? Or maybe listen to your favorite song?” Offering choices helps an autistic child feel empowered.
3. Create a Safe Space: A quiet corner with soft lighting, noise-canceling headphones, or a weighted blanket can give them an alternative when sensory overload hits.
4. Be Patient and Nonjudgmental: Remember, what looks “odd” to you might be exactly what they need to process big feelings or sensory input.
5. Celebrate Small Wins: Every time they try something new—or even just use a different coping strategy—offer genuine praise. “You did a great job using your chewy tube instead of screaming. I’m proud of you for trying something different.”

6. A Loving Reminder

Autistic children are not their stims; those behaviors are simply tools they rely on to feel grounded and regulated. By observing, supporting, and reinforcing positive alternatives, we create a world where they can thrive—sensory needs and all. And remember: when we uplift an autistic child, we open doors to a kinder, more understanding community for everyone.

Let’s honor their quirks, celebrate their interests, and build environments where they feel safe, valued, and loved—every single day.